1. You say “town ” and expect everyone to know that*this means south of Churchgate.
2 You speak in a dialect of Hindi called ‘Bambaiya Hindi’, which only Bombayites can understand.
3. Your door has more than three locks.
4. Rs 500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
5. Train timings (9.27, 10.49 etc) are really important events of life.
6. You spend more time each month traveling than you spend at home.
7. You call an 8′ x 10′ clustered room a Hall.
8. You’re paying Rs 10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of walk-in closet and you think it’s a “steal.”
9. You have the following sets of friend: school friends, college friends, neighborhood friends, office friends and yes, train friends, a species unique only in Bombay.
10. Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the roads by their Indian name, they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar Road, Altamount Road.
11. Stock market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which you follow passionately.
12. The first thing that you read in the Times of India is the “Bombay Times” supplement.
13. You take fashion seriously. You’re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
14. Hookers, beggars and the homeless are invisible.
15. You compare Bombay to New York’s Manhattan instead of any other cities of India.
16. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
17. You insist on calling CST as VT, and Sahar and Santacruz airports instead of Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport.
18. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
19. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
20. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
21. You love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons, and actually call it ”romantic’.
22. Only in Bombay , you would get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicken.
23. You always argue with Delhites than Mumbai is way better than Delhi
24. You still refer to the city as Bombay not Mumbai.
25. When you love bragging about the filmstars and cricketers you’ve seen
26. When most of your friends have underworld connections
27. Every three months you look at your street and say “Why’re the digging the road again?”
28. “Change” is “Chillar”, “Ditching” is a “Kalti” and “Trouble” is “Jhol”.
29. “Gheun Tak” is your life ideology.
30. You have been shoo’d away from Marine Drive at 3am by the cops because of an “Unlawful gathering of persons”
31. You actually pay for your rickshaws by the meter.
32. You actually think 30Rs for a Sada Dosa is pretty reasonable.
33. when you spent 6 hours of your day in school and another 3 hours in tuitions.
34. if you ever went to fashion street, got a pair of cheap jeans and had them tagged as a name brand.
35. if you played cricket matches against another building for 5 rupee bets.
36. if you lost tons of MRF rubber balls.
37. when u call cops ;kaka’ and they let u go if u show of ur marathi speaking skills
38. amitabh bachans house is a landmark
39. You have been to matheran or mahabaleshwar during the summer vacations
40. You see men (not gay apparently) holding hands and walking in the street.
41. The note to coin changing machine at Churchgate station is idolized.
42. During cricket season all the roads are blocked because people in the streets are looking at television screens in display windows.
43. Automatic vending machines have a sales person sitting next to it just to help you.
44. There are more movie tickets being sold in black than at the ticket office.
45. It takes longer to get off from your house to the station than from one end of Mumbai to another by train.
46. Every cab and rickshaw driver makes small talk with you
47. You see Herd of people walking at four in the morning to Siddhi Vinayak temple.
48. ‘Bun Maska’ and ‘vada pav’ is the staple diet of most collegians.
49. HORN OK PLEASE is written on every truck, tempo and heavy motor vehicle.
50. You cant drive for more than 10 mins without abusing someone
51. “townies” think they need a visa to go past worli to the suburbs
52. When u use the word “yaar” in almost every sentence u speak.
53. You call onion as “kandha” and potato as “batata”
54. You think of a spicy tangy snack whenever you hear the work chat
55.You are back to work next day after the city is bombed – Truly the spirit of Bombay
56. you call the cabbies n waiters BOSS
57. abuses like c**** . m****. B***… are the words whic u have to use in each sentence you speak
58. you prefer wada pav by jumbo king anyday on comparision wid Mc donalds burger
59. Each monday you go for either bowling or pool.
60. u enter mocha/ barista/ ccd lookin all posh but sit with one drink for 5 hrs till they politely ask u if u “need anythin else”
61. yr pricipal form of entertainment are all the aunties who scream obsceities at each other at the drop of a hat and threaten to pull the others hair/ push out of the train at 11 in the nyt!
62. yr idea of a full body massage is wat u get while trying to get off/ board a train at dadar!!!
63. At 3am in morning you can still get wadapav or butter pav bhaji
64. When there’s no place to breathe in the trains but there’s place to play cards and sing bhajans!
65. when the traffic almost makes good frnds wid the person in the car next to you.(Aneesh angadi)
66. You know what the term “video coach” stands for in the local trains…
67. You snigger every time somebody says “Im going to Grant road!”
68. u call the policemen “MAMU” OR “PANDU”
69. random strangers butt in wen u r discussing cricket o politics or even chicks 2 give their personal (unwanted) opinion
70. You say that Pani Puri is waayy better than Gol Gappa’s even when they’re the same thing
71. There is always one ‘pan-wala’ on the corner of street
72. You keep spare candles in the kitchen just in case there’s a power surge.
73. To you, your watchman doesn’t have a name – you just call him ‘watchman’.
74. You aren’t surprised when somebody throws a water balloon at you while you’re walking on the streets during March.
75. You know of certain theaters where you can go for A-rated movies with your friends, even when you’re under 18.
76. whn u r standing at a bus stop near juhu beach and sum random guy comes up to u and says ” boss” short term, long term chahiye kya
77. When every rickshaw looks like a personal disco, with neon lights, loud music and pictures of film stars.
78. seeing “Mein Kampf” being sold openly on the streets in abundance seems like a perfectly normal thing to you.
79. you have to pay international roaming fees when you use your cell phone outside of Mumbai.
80. you can only smile forgivingly about the size of any other city in the world.
81. you consider the local train “empty” when you find a spot for your two feet to stand on.
82. when someone asks u “east” or “west” side of a particular station?
83. when there is a saffron rally every 3 months , n u just wonder , whats it all about , u jus went to vote , 3 months ago , n they r holding elections all again?
84. when “chalta hai” is the most commonly used word
85. when u see hijraas/eunuchs at street asking for u to lend them some money , with a very very catchy one liner : eeeee deeeeeeeee naaaaaa usually on fridays.sometimes men even get groped when they dont pay ‘em
86. when u can find hukkas for use at a coffee shop the equivalent of starbucks
87. when u never cross the road at a zebra crossing
88. when u can always find a car that has a dent or scratch on it
89. When u find cars on the Road even at 4 in the morning
90. You never learnt how to stand in a queue
91. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
92. Every time you speak Hindi in front of a Delhitite they have the WTF expression on their face.
93. You have hung on to dear life at the local door.
94. You still refer to a car / vehicle full of girls as “Maal Gaadi” – left over from the “Ladies Special” days…
95. You take the “Weight and Your Future for Rs.1 only” machines at the stations seriously. … At least the Future bit, it always exaggerates about the weight.
96. When while giving directions you say “Right/ Left MARO aur wahan pe ek bridge GIREGA”
97. when you actually see random people coming to help you when u have a problem
98. .when u can take a piss at the local shouchalaya for 50paise and a dump for 1 re
99. When you think everyone who lives to the south of you is a snob and to the north of you sucks
100. you behave like a foreigner in any other part of the country (hurray !!! 100)
101. u see couples cosying up in rickshaws in almost every small lane
102. u want to get into the train already that is already in motion & u have 5 hands taking u in..
103. When you instinctively say “pudhey challa” instead of saying agey badho or move ahead.
104. You meet Delhiites in a foreign country and feel no sense of kinship with them!
105. Chal, paka mat!” is an overused part of your vocabulary
106. here “maall” is a gurl n na goods
107. Crorepati, Lakhpati, Hazarpati, Chillarpati all travel in local Trains daily.
108. You log on to social networking sites and search for Bombay-related groups!!!
109. You treat mumbai as a country itself
110. You drink 2 sips of tea called ‘cutting’ more than thrice a day
111. You call a corner ‘khopcha’ and a cigarette ‘sutta’
112. u think tht delhi copied INDIA GATE frm mumbai’s GATEWAY OF INDIA…
113. masseuses on juhu beach come out only after midnight n cops get free massages frm them
114. when you see the dabbawallas on the station and fishwali kolis in train
115. when u c movie names like “shootout at Lokhandwala” & ‘Ek chalis ki last local” & don’t have to ask wot the name means
116. when you call the BEST bus, BST, even though BEST is painted on every single public transport bus operational in Bombay
117. when we compare our mumbai-pune expressway to the autobahn and our cab drivers to the Indian schumacher.
118. you know ‘bhai’ means a guy who has no brotherly feelings.
119. you know that ‘khamba’ does not only mean pillar
120. when you call a watermelon “Kalingar” instead of “Terbus”
121. Making a loud kissing noise is how you tease girls in Delhi, but making that same noise is how you hail an autorickshaw in Bombay
122. The rest of India calls it namkeen—-you know it as farsan
123. You don’t differentiate between U.P. and Bihar. All you know is that’s where the ‘bhaiyas’ come from
124. if someone calls u “aap”– u start laughing on their faces…
125. You get felt up every time you get into the general compartment instead of the ladies’.
126. You get photographed at three parties and you’re suddenly a page 3 regular!
127. When your lunch is delivered hot in a tiffin at exactly 1pm from home every working day.
128. when u have an account with tha paan wala for cigarettes on credit your outside home & work
129. when u r stuck in traffic even at 1:30 a.m
130. You see two office-goers play a game of cards in your evening local train.
131. When you look out for pandu’s lurking behind the odd tree or signal post before you take your illegal left/right/U turn.
132. you go to a Goa beach and your kids dig pot holes in the sand instead of buiding castles!
133. When The only landmark the president of US wants see is Dharavi
134. When you have no objection in ghoosofying in a line (admissions or train tickets) but shout loudly “Maaaaro!” when you see someone else do it
135.When … you have argued with the TC that traveling first class after pass expires is legitimate since you havent processed the railway concession yet!
136. jab facebook par bhi bambaiya hindi chalti hain yaar
137. When even at 8 in the morning you can see couples sitting and cozying up at Marine Drive and Worli Seaface
138. when gals roam abt at 12am in the night and not get raped …unlike delhi!
139. When you use the phrases, ‘Chillum-Chili’ and ‘Chili-Mili’ and are not talking about a spicy dish
Thanks to the Mumbai group for contributing points.....thanks to shivani, Gauri, Ahad, Partho, Akshay, Vineet, gunjan, Amryn, Trish n all Mumbaikars for making Mumbai a rocking place to live in.......:)
